fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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