He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize