U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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