hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
did i walk over a car last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
