Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All the doctor said was why
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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