I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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