She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
