omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize