I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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