I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
