I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Come share oat with me in your robe
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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