the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
