My hand turned me down
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
