I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"