My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
