I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball