Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
