i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
