no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
