I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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