just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
