I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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