We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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