i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
