I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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