IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
