Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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