Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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