Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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