His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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