I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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