No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize