Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
