Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
