I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
