so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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