i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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