STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
