I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
