Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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