Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
