For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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