I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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