wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
