I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
