Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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