I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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