4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
