I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
