i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
