you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
