You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
