Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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