i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
