I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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