I need to stop coming to work sober
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
