After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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