White coat. Heels.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
