let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
