She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
